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| THE GOVERNMENT WAREHOUSE LIST, v1.2.1 Last updated: 10/02/91 Compiled by James J. DiBenedetto send all email to jjd3@po.cwru.edu, or V064QPCD@ubvms.buffalo.edu THE PREMISE: The secret warehouse where the Government hides everything that folks are not to know about. Things that should be stored in some of the boxes and crates ? All sorts of things that fell into government hands and were never heard from again. All sorts of stuff the Government has decided to hide away somewhere. |
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| THE CONTENTS: |
| Ark of the Covenant 100 MPG Carburetor 3 Martian War Machines Parts of a cut up UFO from "My Science Project" Smashed pieces of the time gizmo from "The Philedelphia Experiment" Engine that runs on tap water A whole bunch of perpetual motion devices. The dead aliens from a crippled UFO the gov't captured. Several Elvis clones awaiting activation (might be ElvisDroids). Hundred of huge crates marked with the name Craig Shergold (containing Business cards and getwell cards by the million). H.G. Wells' working time machine from "Time After Time" The UFO that purportedly crashed in the early '50s in New Mexico Evidence providing the TRUE story of the Kennedy assassination Judge Crater What's left of Flight 19 All of the oddball geological findings that never seem to get displayed in museums, including: The lump of coal with a spark plug in it The piece of sandstone containing human footprints The dinosaur skull with a bullet hole in it A lead-into-gold device A small prototype nuclear fusion plant the Ghostbusters' proton packs Excalibur the steel that the T1000 fell into The Wild Card virus (Xenovirus Takis-A) Amelia Earhart's flight jacket Nazi flying saucers Jetpack, a la "The Rocketeer" Chips of some unknown alloy collected during Apollo missions Big black slab collected by the Leakeys in Olduvai Gorge (and a femur found in orbit) Jimmy Hoffa A Cloudbuster (a rainmaking machine built by Wilhelm Reich - see the Kate Bush video "Cloudbusting") An N-ray detector A dinosaur egg. Fresh. In a crate marked "Africa." A chunk of steel, of an unusual alloy, that bears the label "Tunguska 190?" (Slightly radioactive) A box full of scrolls - written in Aramaic. Box says "Gnostic II." Ronald Reagan Mark I and the animatronics to make him work Bill Gates' Porsche 959 A notebook belonging to Fermat, containing the answer to that damn "Last Theorem," and notes about a much more interesting conjecture A freezer holding the body of Walt Disney The Necronomicon The Terminator's arm Beethoven's Eleventh Symphony A phone booth with an odd antenna on top, and a San Dimas, CA number A blue British police call box A tight-fitting blue costume with a big red "S" on the chest The backup tape archives from the "Terminator 2" lab The Infinite Improbability Generator The 1992 Democratic Presidential Candidate HAL 9000's Failed Turing Test (He got a 57%!) The monolith on the moon The monolith by Jupiter HAL 9000 A Darkness Device Da Shoes! A copy of Bunnies & Burrows Gary Gygax A minute black hole--made of a "knot singularity" The Body of Valentine Michael Smith The center of a tootsie roll pop The Great Virus of '29 The Heart of Gold The Tree of Life The seed to the Tree of Knowledge The "dean drive" which "converts angular momentum into linear momentum." Two and a half tons of Nazi gold recovered from a Swiss mine shaft in 1945 Some plants from the Brazilian rain forest that can cure just about anything The "magic gun" that fired the "magic bullet" that killed JFK Part of a Soviet Sub recovered by Howard Hughes' Glomar Explorer back in 1971 A Typhoon-class submarine with Caterpillar Drive A little silver ball from Starman A searchlight with the sillouette of a bat on it A book entitled "To Serve Man" A three-eyed fish named Blinky JFK's Brain The gold from the lost Dutchman mine The Marylin Monroe Diaries The Holy Grail The "sets and costumes" that were used to film the Apollo Moon Landing The Rhinegold The FBI and CIA files detailing the Career of "Special Agent Elvis" The real contents of Al Capone's Vault The solution to the halting problem The "Missing" volumes of the Art of Computer Programming A bottle of the "andromedia strain" Virus Several Bigfoot(s) The bones of the Loch Ness Monster A crate of seed pods from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" All the AV recording made of the Mothership from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" Snake Plisken's death certificate The cursed ship, The Flying Dutchman The missing pages from the logbook of the abandoned Marie Celeste Adolf Hitler's body... intact The Blob... in a large freezer of course Gary Seven's voice-operated typewriter Spock's vacuum tube computer made in the 1930's, found in flophouse All the books which were checked out when the Library at Alexandria burned Undeniable authentication documents for the Shroud of Turin A map showing where the Time Tunnel desert base's drive-in door is located The original plans for Colossus (the Forbin project) Used hypodermic needle; once injected a miniaturized submarine into a neck Copy of hostage-withholding agreement between Bush and the Ayatollah Saucer pieces, mostly melted from magnesium flares, found in (Ant)artic The stiff little finger from the hand of an Invader NASA office note about refusing collect call from a Will Robinson Hollow krypton meteorite, found in Smallville, USA. Cradle inside Three "telepods", non-working, along with a grotesque fly/human/metal body Spy satellite photos, detailing the location of Noah's Ark A working orgone energy machine (see theories of Nicola Tesla for more details) A real, live unicorn A working anti-gravity device (perhaps a sample of Cavorite?) Complete maps and journals of the expedition PROVING the Hollow Earth theory What REALLY happened on the Hindenberg Two strange electronic devices, found with a set of identifcation for "Commander Pavel Chekov, Starfleet." A set of photographs of a tall (6'3"), muscular man wearing sunglasses. Some appear to have been taken at a police station, the rest at a mall A pair of yellow shoes with thick hollow glass soles. One sole is intact and contains three goldfish skeletons Pieces excavated from a stone building of Greek or early Roman design. Found in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean The corpse of a grotesque, bipedal, fish-like being. Roughly 7' tall, the creature wears chitinous armor. In the crate with it are a strange looking spear, net, gun on its shoulder, blade on one wrist, and an electronic thingee on its other wrist Many crates of bizarre super-tech weapons, all marked with swastikas A crate full of papers, computer disks, and models of a modified DeLorean sports car. Among the papers is a photograph of two men standing by a clock, dating back to 1888 A female android, dressed in a pink gown, with her left arm torn out of place. She looks remarkably like Olivia d'Abo Several hundred issues of "Playboy" confiscated from American servicemen in the Persian Gulf A green meteorite attatched to a chain, found in a sewer by the Metropolis department of Public Works Two CDs, one marked "Elvis" and the other marked "Bruce." These are kept with two identically-marked reels of tape and a strange machine Plans and a prototype of a reactionless engine. The notes say it puts out no exhaust mass, only heat and light A circular shield, about 3' in diameter, with concentric red and white rings and a star in the center on a blue field A black sword, with red runes on it, unearthed in western Canada with a petrified human skeleton. The sword is dated as being older than the earth where it was found. Researchers tested the sword to find out what it was made of, but it defied their efforts. Everyone who touched the sword died. Hundreds of boxes of very very old, crumbling books found in Egypt. Inside the front cover of each one is a pocket containing a little card with heiroglyphs on it. All but the last set on each card are crossed out. A gold medallion with raised markings on each side, and an off-center hole holding a red crystal. A glowing green crystal, about 10 inches long and 2.5 inches wide with angled ends, discovered near the North Pole. An illuminated manuscript much like a Bible, along with a rabbit's corpse and many pieces of shrapnel. A large emerald in the shape of a heart, confiscated from a fence in new York City. About 60,000 tapes and CDs by the 2 Live Crew. Hundreds of issues of a comic shop newsletter bearing the headline, "DeFalco and Macchio found in adult movie house." Captain Hook's hand A listing of pi which gets to a long stretch of ones and then ends Stacks of mismatched contact lenses Thousands of car keys A chemical formula for the cure for the common cold Formula 7x The recipie for Macdonald's secret sauce KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices 1000 mint-condition WWII army Jeeps, to be sold for $50 each The hover-skateboard from BTTF2 A slightly less than infinite number of wallets (no money in them though) A slightly malleable bit of metal (the world famous Philosopher's Stone) The failed prototype from the Aurora project (yet another "stealth" plane) The remains of a rather strange-looking humanoid... (the "missing link") The formula for Coca-Cola The missing 80 points of Dan Quayle's IQ Every taxicab in the Metropolitan New York area (only while it's raining) The Golden Fleece A broadsword from roughly 1000 AD with a woman's hand still gripping the handle A grafitti-free subway car A hen's tooth A calendar containing a month made up entirely of Sundays The Ultimate Nullifier The six lost episodes of Dr. Who (and you thought only one was lost...) A pair of red ruby slippers A pillar of salt in the shape of a woman An extremely well-aged apple with two bites out of it Universal Solvent (we think) (bring your own container) (hurry) (never mind...) A letter from an Egyptian princess, saying she'd like to be reincarnated as Shirley McLean The suppressed Penthouse edition featuring Kylie Minogue The REAL reason why the Challenger blew up A spy satellite marked "Made in Taiwan" A diary entry from the president of the Sierra Club saying he's going out duck-shooting A reciept for a rifle and ammo from Dallas Texas, to the account of L.B. Johnson A note from a member of the French Govt. saying they were sorry for the Rainbow Warrior A working cold fusion unit (perhaps one for the back of a car, that you could feed garbage to) The REAL crown jewels of Iran/Persia The Maltese Falcon An old treaty between Argentina and Britian giving the Falklands to one or the other An effective chemical male contraceptive The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything The lost notice to tell Arthur the bulldozers were coming The message from the Vogons warning the Earth of the Hyperspace Bypass The One Ring The White Gold Ring The Virus programmed against the Black Marble Wombat The Wombat listing in VMS Help "That Loving Feeling" Plane tickets proving George Bush was in Paris in the fall of 1980 Recordings of a mysterious five-tone musical work, left over from a certain project that took place at Devil's Rock A slightly radioactive safe marked "S.S. Titanic" Pay stubs with the words "Central Intelligence Agency" and "Lee Harvey Oswald" The autopsy records for JFK (sealed for 50 years!) The totally innocuous file on MLKjr that was sealed -- because it was totally innocuous! The report given to FDR on the Japanese fleet steaming toward Hawaii George Washington's membership card for the Masons Birth certificates for several mulatto children, with the "Father" space marked "Thomas Jefferson" Autopsy records for President Zachary Taylor Telegram from Andrew Johnson to John Wilkes Booth saying "Great opportunity at Ford's Theater -- a definite Do-Not-Miss" a prototype (or working model!) of Alpha Complex's Computer _Another_ government warehouse... 90% of the works of Nikola Tesla Ship with bodies embedded in several inch-thick steel from the "Philadelphia Experiment" A Mac SE hard disk containing plans for "Transparent Aluminum" Plans for the "Wildfire" research station Set of printer plates for the Lyons UNIX book Atlantis Everything ever lost in the Bermuda Triangle A sample of scrith A disc (ring) with a ratio of circumference to diameter equal 3 Political ethics The plan for a balanced US budget Several letters signed "George Washington" and "Adam Weisshaupt", and a memo signed by a grafologist claiming that both sets were written by the same person. The unicorn scene from "Blade Runner" Laserdisc copies of all Hayao Miyazaki films -- UNCUT and in ENGLISH Schubert's last symphony (complete) A short mathematical proof that the travelling salesman problem can be solved in polynomial time An Elder God, dead A pouch of sand, a red ruby on a chain, and a strange insect-like mask The last 7 presidents and vice presidents, frozen -- including Bush & Quayle Several Caroline clones (they work there) a Kirelean photograph of Stonhenge -- showing auras on all the stones, including the missing ones A silver albatross An old-fashioned green railroad-man's lantern, and a collection of green rings of various shapes and sizes The original manuscript for Bible II: The Son Strikes Back Various and sundry archaeological relics from Mu, Lemuria, Atlantis, Shangri-La, and Xanadu A complete set of the Golden Age Suicide Squid comics Two 16-inch Battleship Cannon shells (you know - like the ones on the Ne Jersey) Filled with Quick-Death organism bomblets the British copy of the North American Treaty Several kilograms of Byzanium, along with a 1889 Colorado newspaper and the body of a Red Army corporal A wooden staff, with a claw holding a crystal on the end The Starship Defiant A large number of Swiss Army knives and rolls of Duct Tape. The knives all have the letter M engraved on them The financial records of Stemple's Mill, Seattle, Washington - signed "Ishmael Marx" A large number of Swords A number of semi-transparent, amoeboid creatures, accompanied by semi-neanderthalic humanoids An F-15's gun-camera recording of a Dragon in flight The leg-bones of Miles Vorkosigan One Dozen Red Roses Maps to caves in Ireland, where several spaceships (with markings in Gaelic) are kept Two thousand bottles of NyQuil The coordinates of a rain-swept planet far out in the galaxy, inhabited by a little old man who likes cats (even though he doesn't believe in them) Aristotle's treatise on humor The Freemasons' Ultimate Secret King Arthur's perfectly preserved body God's pair of dice The sixth replicant The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator A bubble-gum machine full of dehydrated Martians (just add water) A helmet with a scrub brush attatched to the top and a pair of tennis shoes with the name "M. Martian" on both Map & instructions for recovering the treasure on Oak Island The Method used to place the statues on Easter Island The reason the statues were put there The Beethoven manuscripts that disapeared at his death. The first draft of Adam Weishaupt's inagural address The allied plans for the bombing of Russian oil fields, early '41 The German nuke The real recipie for the Pan-galactic gargle blaster Cratefuls and cratefuls of containers remarkably similar to yogurt and ice cream containers, labelled "The Stuff" Two live plesiosaurs Plane tickets from Munich, 1958, stamped "Flight Cancelled". All the missing ozone Lenin's hair The brain of a liberal, the heart of a conservative A magnetic monopole A huge ax and an even bigger stuffed blue ox A photograph of a very large gold menorah (pictured on the Arch of titus in Rome) with report detailing the contents of the Vatican warehouse An archive containing every issue to date of the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, with marginal notations like, "Hoo boy, we *really* fooled this one!" and "He's getting too close; exchange him." A large tank containing some sort of preservative solution and several slightly radioactive corpses in various states of decay, all of which seem to twitch or move slightly now and then Edison's final invention: The Necrophone, a device enabling one to speak with the dead A handwritten proof, repudiating all claims of truth to the notion of relativity, signed by Einstein A book containing the contents of the Soviet's Warehouse, with _infinitely_more interesting stuff A text about flouridation and its true effects on the mind An engine that runs on the passage of _time_ (a Soviet physicist, whose name escapes me, has crunched the numbers on this one!) A text written in ancient Hebrew that begins, In the Beginning, but has all the words for god feminine in gender A dummy terminal connecting to nothing in particular, with a prompt. When any name is typed in, the COMPLETE history of the subject is displayed, including what he is doing at this moment, with constant updating The CIA's report on Psychotronic Weaponry, with the Soviet's explaination to what happened to Nixon and Carter, as well athe death of Brezhnev, Andropov, Chernenko, and the meteoric rise to power of one Mikhail Gorbachev, who happened to be head of the KGB when the research was being done One human skeleton, found in casket, with a wooden stake inserted into the ribcage Remains of a sophisticated WWII Japanese fighter, codenamed Kamikaze, with humanoid figures crushed in the machinery, that must have disabled it A strange machine, incorporating a glass cylinder with a weird gel flowing within it, and sealed with a lock that can only be opened from within. Found in the basement of a church in Detroit The bodies of the victims of Crest test #57 Directions to Midian Definitive proof of the Carter thesis that states that petroleum, rather than being a diminishing resource, is constantly replenished naturally by the earth Documentation about the CIA's project into creating the first strain of recombinant DNA, with a formula very similar to that of Human Immuno-deficiency Virus Definitive proof that females are indeed smarter than males Joseph Smith's golden tablets, containing the Book of Mormon The missing 23 minutes of Nixon's tape recordings Parcelsus' notebooks (that were supposedly buried with him, but weren't there when his tomb was opened, later---for that matter, how about his body?) The Marquis de Saint Germaine Documentation and photos from all the cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion The mummy from the sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid A couple of those computer chips they've supposedly found embedded in the arms of Egyptian mummies All that runic graffiti saying things like "Sven Redbeard was here" from the upper Mississippi A parrot-headed umbrella A giant Lincoln's head penny A table-top fortune-telling machine A curiously heavy black statue of a falcon, with several chips carved out of it A sled with the brandname of "Rosebud" The "Greatest American Hero" suit (with instructions) Rudy Wells' lab notes Several hypodermic needles, labelled "Lot Six" Several spare self-destructing tape recorders Hymie A shoe-phone A birth certificate with MacGyver's FIRST name! Several large hairy bipeds, a small pyramid of silver spheres, and a stack of video recordings showing the bipeds attacking a tibettan monestary in Wales A diary purporting to show the location of the Holy Grail, labelled "property of Prof. H. Jones" Reports, wreckage, and photos from the Starkweather-Moore expedition to Antartica. Contains the bodies of what look like 5-symmetric animals with fan-shaped wings and lots of tentacles. Also contains what looks like a frozen block of blackish protoplasm marked "Do not defrost under ANY circumstances" Photo showing the "Illuminated Five" (Nikola Tesla, Howard Hughes, Adam Weishaupt, H.P. Lovecraft, and Nostradamus) having a beer bash at the Eye In The Pyramid pub in Ingolstadt The Overthruster and Buckaroo Banzai's jet car. Also a strange looking record that when played displays a rather rastafarian-looking alien Proof that Orson Wells' War of the Worlds broadcast was no joke The *complete* manuscript of Coleridge's Kubla Khan Everything dropped by aliens that Eric Von Daniken claims to have seen (which is usually guarded by "wild tribesmen" or drug runners, etc.) One of those movie revolvers that fires twelve or fifteen shots, or at least never needs reloading Carrie White The plastic bottle that was taken to the Roman/Chinese emperor, which caused the inventor to be executed, to keep the glassblowers in business Kentucky fried rats Einstein's unified field theory Hitler's REAL diaries ("hot date with Eva tonight---va-va-voom!") The missing chapters of Nostradamus, especially those dealing with the End of Civilization as We Know It (suppressed because the world is not prepared) The sequel to Gone With the Wind that Margaret Mitchell supposedly burned, after finding she didn't like "all the trouble *this* book has brought me." The lightbulbs they used for illumination, in painting Egyptian tombs The map to King Soloman's mines The Viking longship that was discovered in California's Imperial Valley, sometime around 1910 A stuffed Pterodactyl, shot in Africa, earlier in this century Millions of Pet Rocks (everybody bought one, nobody has one now, they have to be SOMEWHERE!) The official U.S. Navy map showing the location of Gilligan's Island Hundreds of millions of dirty socks, each tagged with the time, date and location of the laundry in which they disappeared Bill Watterston Various bits of a 1958 Plymouth Fury (red) A Tanu skeleton (stored with a variety of high-tech weapons and devices found with it buried on the bottom of the Mediterrenan Sea, dated at approximately 6 million years old) A dodo bird A disk pack containing the personnel database for Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, listing lots of people named John who all applied for social security numbers on November 1, 1938 in Grover's Mill, NJ Boxes of proposal, progress report, and design review documents for Yoyodyne's work on contract # DOD 84-C112001, plus a copy of "Commerce Business Daily" containing the original RFP for the Truncheon Bomber The Great American Novel. Actually, one Great American Novel from the 1960's, another from the '50's, another from the '20's. Probably a couple more without established dates Documents suggesting that "NSA" really meant "No Such Agency," the code name of an elaborate cover for yet another internal security service --as yet unknown UNIX; a nearly-mythical, small, simple, fully-functional multiuser operating system (mentioned in some theoretical papers by Ritchie and Thompson, c. 1978). Possibly found squished in the very bottom left back corner of one of several huge crates labelled "BSD," "SYS5," etc News software that does something approximately near what one might actually want A book with the title: THE TRUTH One page, one word. Doesn't matter what language you read, or if you read at all. One glance at it and you will know the truth. of course, when somebody learns the truth his head explodes Real live (frozen or otherwise) Jackalopes, Hidebehinds, and other such beasties An atom with the atomic number of 104 A coke can with the old style pull tabs Several cases of the original coke (the ones with cocaine) The location of Car 54 The Golem of Prague Frankenstein's Monster A set of papers referring to the Iran - Contra Affair The primary mirror we were originally going to use on Hubble A passenger pigeon (became extinct in the late 19th century) The Gordian knot. Beside it, a much simpler knot, cut in two Docmuments from the 1960's describing Isaac Asimov's process to "grow" a positronic brain, using a revolutionary crystal-growing process amazingly similar to biological cell reproduction A complete log of everything ever posted to the Internet. |